QWORN dot LOL
by starbuckviper
Summary: Crack!Fic DISCONTINUED
1. ONE

QWORN . lol

The Epic 'Saga' hits Hinamizawa 

Once upon a time…a man was troubled.

In Hinamizawa everyone died from the evil curse of the pyreflies, Takano did her evil laugh whilst they died.

"Bwahahaha…" It went. And then there was awed silence until your mum appeared.

Suddenly Ooishi appeared and started to give Keiichi a lapdance. Keiichi enjoyed it for a few seconds, but then could not get away due to Ooishi's BULK which was maintained by lots and lots of PIES!

Keiichi's pelvic bones began to give way!

"Oh no," he squealed as Keiichi squirmed harder and harder into Ooishi's crotch. A smile appeared over Ooishi's face. "Domo…" he said with a grin.

Any colour left in Keiichi's face was obliterated when he had a sudden urge to go to the shiny toilet. Keiichi needed to relieve himself quickly! He broke free from Ooishi's sensual grasp and ran towards the toilet. Ooishi followed.

"Are you fond of watersports, Maebara-san?" Ooishi said. K1's eyes widened as he blushed. "Y-yes…Ooishi-san…" Ooishi grinned hard. "So do I Maebara-san."

"I have a brilliant idea," Ooishi said, "Two words. Washing Machine." He then ran towards his car screaming, "TOMAYTOES!"

A puzzled Keiichi pondered for a moment. Ooishi returned with a washing machine and wearing a rubber suit. Keiichi remained silent.

Keiichi stared in awe of the sight of Ooishi's body encased in rubber. "Ooishi-san…may I touch you…?"

"Hmm…if you wish Maebara-san," Ooishi said with a smile.

"I-I don't know how…I've never been this close to someone…" His sentence was cut off by the feeling of warm podge beneath his hand as Ooishi forced his hand deeper into the folds of his fat.

Just then Irie walked into the shiny toilets and saw the 'couple'. "Good day to you Ooishi-san, Maebara-san," He said, nodding at both and then opening and stepping into the washing machine, vanishing from sight with a pop.

Ooishi returned to caressing the folds of his own rubbery fat whilst looking at Keiichi and sucking his chubby finger. Keiichi moved closer.

"Irie's gone now Maebara-san…where were we?" Ooshi ran his hands down K1's body, stroking every last inch of his body. "A-ah! Ooishi…-san…" K1 blushed gently, squeezing his eyes shut whenever Ooishi passed his sensitive areas. "Hmmm…Maebara-san…I see you are rising to the occasion," Ooishi grinned widely.

A knock on the door and they both sprang apart. "Kei-kun" A voice, de la female, said, "Are you in there? You promised to take me to Angel Mort." The sounds of soft feminine sobs echoed into the shiny toilets. In the background Irie was contently spinning right round baby right round in the washing machine.

Thinking quickly, K1 signalled to Ooishi to hide with Irie in the washing machine and then – to make sure no one could tell who was in there, K1 put it on the spin cycle. Footsteps echoed closer as the girl walked in.

K1's eyes widened as he saw the redhead walk in with her trademark cleaver in hand. "Keiichi-kun…doshite usou, tsuno nana, kana?" Rena whispered.

"But-But Rena this is and ENGLISH fanfic…" K1 said as he moved closer to Rena.

"USODA!!!!!!!" Rena yelled. K1 squealed like a small girl caught in the grasp of Dr. Irie.

"R-ryuguu-san, its just umm…," Ooishi said, backing away and reaching behind him for a mysterious-invisible backpack.

"A-HA!" He screamed triumphantly, "Take this Ryuguu-san!" His hand thurst deep into the bag, he withdrew it quickly and threw a large, purple, long, slippery object at her.

"Nrggh!" Rena squealed as her mouth was stuffed with the moist, throbbing tentacle.

"Ah ha ha ha," Ooishi laughed evilly, "No one will steal Maebara-san from me!"

"Go-Gomen…Nasaii!" Rena stifled before squealing as four more tentacles appeared before ripping her sailor fuku top open. "Nooooooo! MY KAWAIINESS!!" Rena screamed as her shirt was also ripped open. Suddenly, K1 screamed, "HOLY FUCK! ITS BLUE!!!"

Takano burst through the shiny toilet main door screaming, "The Tomaytoes are attacking!!" She then ran over to the nearest sink and brought out some bright pink hair dye and proceeded to dye her hair into a vivid pink colour. Whilst all of this was happening Irie was still in the washing machine singing D.O.A.

Rena squirmed around, pinned by the tentacles that were strapped around each limb. "D-datsuhute…Keiichi-kin…" Rena murmured. "SPEAK ENGLISH FIRST BITCH!!!" Keiichi yelled as he grabbed Rena by the hair and forced her face into Ooishi's moobs.

"Mrrrrrrrr!!!" Rena squealed as something warm and flabby filled her mouth, instinctively sucking on it. "Mmmmm…Domo…Ryuguu-san…mmmm…!" Ooishi murmured into her waiting ear.

Hanyuu drifted through the wall as Rika walked through the door of the shiny toilet followed by Tomitake. Rika stopped, took in the sight and abruptly ran out screaming, "MY EYES! They BURNN!" For she had been sprayed with a substance.

Tomitake stood just out of the doorway and started snapping pictures of the scene before him with a smile on his face.

* * *

Reviews Love Cookies XD

This is a story written by me and two of my friends at College :)

Dosclaimer - I dont own Higurashi, I can only wish I can

A note on my other stories...umm...Ive hit a Concrete wall with them, lol sorry people, but they are probably gonna remain unfinished, I dont really have an excuse. So umm...enjoy this one.

* * *


	2. MINCE

Qworn dot lol MINCE 

The 'Saga' continues in Chapter 2...which has nothing at all to do with chapter 1  


Rena appeared clawing at her own neck, maggots and blood falling everywhere. Mion approaches and says, "What's that?" Rena looks at Mion then to the blood/maggots etc. She points to the blood, then to Mion, opens her mouth to speak and clearly states the words of wisdom inside her head, "Your mum."

Suddenly Akane appeared and exclaimed, "Who is talking about me?" As she pulled her mighty weapon from its sheath. Keiichi giggled, he very much liked the mighty weapon. Shion magically appeared from no where and bitch slapped Keiichi. "Act like a man damnit! God!"

Suddenly Hanyuu speared and said, "LOL wut?"

Rika appeared and said, "LOL Guys what do you think of my afro?"

Hanyuu promptly bitch slapped Rika but passed straight though her 'coz she's a ghost dumbasses. Rika had a bitch fit, please refer to episode 8 of Higurashi Kai.

Then a bright light appeared and focused around the Sonozaki sisters. When the light faded they had merged together to create SHMION with a slut level of OVER 9000!!!

"I can fix that," Takano said, whipping out a miscellaneous injection. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!! She then injected herself and swelled up like a large inflatable raft. Then Tomitake pushed her into the river and failed away into the sunset.

"Lul," said Hanyuu, "That bitch got blown up leik a raft." Then she burst into emo tears when she realised that would never happen to her. She reaches for SHMION's knife but fails miserably.

Rika lol'd at her misfortune and drank lots of 'soy sauce' aka WHINE, from her amazing flower cup of DOOOOM!! Just then Ooishi rolled into the scene. Hinamizawa went up like an A-bomb.

Luckily for Hinamizawa, the disaster was saved by your mum who promptly shoved a cork up Ooishi's bum-hole. Ooishi inflated until he was a large balloon full of gas and podge.

Rena loled and attempted to pop him with her cleaver. K1 giggled again at the sight, and was bitch slapped by SHMION…again. Because SHMION is Keiichi's pimp. SHMION whores him out at night for moneys and lulz. Unfortunately, Keiichi himself does not find the experience very lulzy.

Someone other than SHMION does find it lulzy, they are known by the name…SATAKO. Satoshi, who is now dead because your mum slapped him to death with a medium sized salmon, was in love with…a chair called Albert. Unfortunately for Albert, he was seized and put though a wood chipper, he is now sawdust in the wind…HE BLINDS PEOPLE!

Whilst Rena was attempting to make Ooishi explode, the sawdust blew into her eyes in an epically heroic fashion and she squealed in pain. Hanyuu loled as the dust blew right threw her, and it was OMG UNEFFECTIVE against Rika because SHE'S THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!

Feeling his Lolita-sense tingling, Dr. Irie dropped his hentai books and ran, full steam to where Rena was squealing in pain. "Ryuguu-san," He said, gasping as if he had run a marathon, but it was really only a few meters, "Are you okay?"

"No!" Rena screamed at him, swinging her cleaver, only to find it embedded in your mum, "I'm not o-fucking-kay, ass wipe." Quoting one of her bands in her retro cassette player. Yes, MCR do NOT come from New Jersey as you may have been lead to believe, they come from Rena's cassette player, BITCHES!

"I know what will make you feel better," Irie said, ignoring her and pulling a magic hanger full of maid costumes from his white coat pocket. "Wear one of these!"

Rena, now unblinded due to her awesome ginger-ness, walked straight past Irie and continued to try and pop Ooishi. Because he was starting to float away, due to the masses of gas which was trapped inside him, Satako found some rope and tied him to a handy pole stuck in the ground.

Irie, sad that he was being ignored, started trying on his maid dresses. Once dressed in a rather fetching pink frilly maid dress, which would have looked a lot better on K1, he started prancing around singing shitty nursery songs of which no one can now remember.

* * *

Thanks to:

Teh Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma- I'm glad you like it, here's another chapter for you

Vickimew - Ahaha I TOLD you it would be going on FF :P Nyah

* * *


	3. Loltrosity

Finally uploaded

Thanksto

Teh Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma

Vickimew

Neokage Tokage

Nikki Voskoboynikov

For reviewing

And thanks y'all who helped me create it

* * *

Qworn . lol 3 LOLTrosity

Rena screamed as Irie pushed her into one of Ooishi's fat pies.

"Oh Noes!" Rena squealed as the pastry surrounded her body, only leaving her awesome ginger head visible.

Just then Rika burst through the Shiny Toilet and Irie legged it whilst Tomitake wasn't far behind. Hanyuu floated through the wall drunk as a duck, which is quote drunk as the duck is known in the drinking world as a sponge sucking up the ALKEEHOL like water.

She loled when YOUR MUM got RAEPED by Ooishi's fatty folds of fatty fatness. Hmmm….tasty….

"Dayum!" said SHMION's bewbs and she then proceeded to bewb-slap Hanyuu.

Suddenly, from out of no where, a little girl came running out crying. A few moments later, a rather sheepish-looking Irie re-appeared holding a very blooded teddy.

The twin power of SHMION's bewbs will…BLOT OUT THE SUN!!

Due to SHMION bewb-slapping Hanyuu, she flew off into the Stratosphere and then K1 and Ooishi hugged in the shade, which K1 slowly becoming engulfed by one massive semi-sticky, semi-liquid thing that claimed to be Ooishi's fatty folds of RAPE!

"FROSTING!" screamed SHMION's bewbs and gratefully Ooishi obliged, spraying it everywhere.

"Can I have some Chicken McFaggots?" Satako said to a convenient fast food seller. Then Rika came along and ate for free 'cause she's the JUGGERNAUGHT BITCH!

Just then an announcer appeared in a flash of sparkles and announced, "ACHILLES!" and then vanished into another convenient flash of sparkles.

"Clip-Clop, Clip-Clop,"

…

"Where's the horse?" Rika questioned.

In answer to this a man wearing solid bronze shiny armour skipped out of the shadows, closely followed by another man clacking two halves of a coconut together.

"Where be that man?" the man skipping questioned, puffing out his chest and showing a pink embroidered 'H' on his chest.

"Lolwut?" Satako said.

"Where be Achilles?" Boomed Hector of the Flashing Helmet land.

"You can flash my helmet anytime," drawled Hanyuu, still pissed as a quack.

Suddenly, still with a look of disgust on his face, Hector vanished and Bill Dor appeared in his place.

Another being appeared but this being is known as Sonozaki Akane…AKA MILF.

"Wazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppppppp? BITCHES!!" MILF screamed into everyone's ears.

Bill Dor slowly turned to face her, his black cloak billowing in the breeze and scythe glinting in moonlight.

"YOU ARE VERY LUCKY MILF. ON ANOTHER SAY I MAY BE BACK TO MY ORIGINAL JOB, NOT JUST A FARMHAND."

The deep gravely tones tore through everyone, leaving them stunned and silent.

"NOW…WHERE CAN I PURCHASE SOME YAOI?"

"Over here!" yelled Ooishi, removing his panties.

"OOHHH YEAH!" Bill Dor said, taking out a video camera and switching it on.

"OMGF you kills Sonikk you BASTUD!" Hanyuu screamed at the guy with the 'H' on his chest.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster flew in and touched everyone with his noodle-y goodness.

"It's a battle of the Gods!" Hanyuu yelled tackling the FSM in mid-air but passing thru 'cause she's a FAIL-GOD!

"EPIC FAIL," commented Bill Dor.

"Look," Ooishi groaned, "The sky goes dark."

Over 9000 creatures, demi-gods and epic n00bs filled the sky.

"Oh Em Gee! NO WAI!" Hector of the Flashing Helmet land exclaimed in surprise at the mob of OVER 9000 enemies charging towards him with sticks of Battenberg and missiles of Fudge.

"This is Madness!" said Rika, feeling it appropriate.

"Madness?" replied Ooishi, "This is….CAKE TOWN!"

"Big Tasty, raise me on high," demanded Irie

"Nande?" Ooishi wondered.

"DO AS HE SAYS BIG T!"

Ooishi raised up Irie, who's pants had vanished.

"They can't face my finger of Fudge," Irie loled.

As Ooishi raised Irie up high the angels sang in immaculate chorus as Check Norris descended from Heaven and landed a kick that could shatter bones into the crotch of…Ooishi-Jones.

"Owwww, my Peniii," Ooishi-Jones exclaimed, his hand shooting down to check, "4…5…12…16…108…26…4…1. Yup all still good."

Irie, now un-supported by the Ooishi, fell upwards to his death in a large mincer…which was manned by Tyrano-Satan.

"Ha Ha Ha!" Tyrano-Satan roared, "Be afraid for I am Tyrano-Satan, no one can stop me, not even you!"

Just then a figure swooped in on a vine which magically appeared and bitch-slapped Tyrano-Satan with a large, wet Haddock…or maybe it was a Cod. "I will defeat you Tyrano-Satan," said the figure, "For I am Raptor-Jesus!"

It was in this distant that time screwed itself sideways and all hell broke loose, Irie included.

"BRUSH YOUR TEETH!" screamed the hordes of Daemons brandishing various brightly coloured toothbrushes.

From out of no where, a red stripe and a blue stripe flashed across the sky and two men, one in red and one in blue, landed.

"Where's white?" Questioned Red.

"Probably beating up black again…" Answered Blue.

A flash of white and another man appeared.

"Yeah, Aquafresh on the offensive yet again!" Chorused all three.

"R R D R R!" Loled MILF, pointing and laughing a the toothbrush-wielding Daemons and the awesomeness of Aquafresh!

Raptor-Jesus shuddered violently and suddenly split in two.

"Who the Fuck?" Questioned R-J.

"I am the awesome Steosawus Jeebus, but you can call me Satoshi," Answered the figure.

Bill walked slowly, well you can't really call it walking, it was more like gliding as technically, he had to legs to speak of. He was Death most of the time and his solidification from spirit from SOLIDSPIRITS® equipped was out of fuel and therefore not working properly.


End file.
